Chicharon Heaven

OK, let me appologize in advance.  It´s been a couple of weeks since our last confession, so we have a lot of sins to report.  This could be a long one.


So last week we visited a local guardaría (child care place), with Eduardo, who you´ll get to know in the coming weeks.  Every week Eduardo takes food to the kids there.  They´re very poor, and it´s really sad to see how little they have.  Jane and I played with the kids for awhile, making animal sounds - it turns out I can do a mean elefante imitation.  Let me just say right here, that I rocked the house.  I mean these kids were clapping, pounding the tables, and shouting Dar-rel, Dar-rel, Dar-rel!  I´m pretty big in Xela.  I returned yesterday for an encore show and again knocked ´em dead.  If any of you want tickets to next week´s performance, let me know and I can get you backstage passes.  I´m still trying to drum up some groupies, but since I broke up with Besi, onacounta she was also seeing Jane, I´m back to being Mr. Monogomous again.  But I´m getting ahead of myself.

Last Saturday, we went with our Guatemalan family to visit their relatives in San Felipe, about an hour drive from here.  We packed the 13 of us into a rented mini van meant for 7.  The purpose: to procure and consume the best chicharones on the face of the earth.  Now for those of you who aren´t familiar with chicharones, what you do is go down to your nearest 7-11, and pick up a bag of pork rinds, take a bite, then throw the rest away because they taste like crap.  Pork rinds in the US are boring at best, denuded of all flavor and substance.  Chicharones on the other hand are pig skins, boiled in their own fat until crispy, but still retaining all the luscious, wonderous, juicy, artery-hardening fat.  Add a little lime and MMMMmmmmmmm.  So for breakfast, that´s what we had, along with tamales, pig blood, tortillas, etc.  Well worth the trip.  BUT, we´re not done. 


 From there we headed off to a park called Xetalul.  It´s a mini Disney World.  Mini countries, with restaurants, rides, entertainers, etc.  We were  pleasantly surprised by the place.  Some of the group then went to a nearby water park, which apparently was even better than Xetalul, while Gladis, Sergio, Jane and I blasted off to another of Gladis´ cousins to have lunch & tour their property.  They make a living off of their milk, but also have plenty of fruit trees & veggies.  They have some land a few miles away where they grow bananas, mangos, papayas & coffee.  We like coffee.  So it was here that I first met Besi, and we milked our first cow.  That was a hoot.  Never had milk straight from a teat before.


Me & Besi - 1st date, 2nd base.  Oh yeah,
I still got it. (or so I thought)



Jane, with Besi the slut.




After school on most days, Eduardo (see, I told you you´d hear more about Eduardo) takes anyone who´s interested out on an excursion to a nearby village or some other place of interest to see an interesting church or market, or to see how they dye thread for their colorful fabrics.  I really like the excursions, more for the going than for the being there.  We usually take chicken buses, so named for the number of chickens on the buses (but Jane thinks it´s because of the fact that they like to play chicken with other chicken buses).  I like to sit in the front seat when I can.  That´s the best place if you want to see your life pass in front of you.  It´s also the best place to see the looks on pedestrians´ faces just before they´re about to die.  The kids´ expressions are especially precious.  Gringos actually pee themselves.  I know; I like to walk around too.  Through slots between people and cars and buses and buildings that americans in a mini cooper would need two people outside guiding them slowly through, these drivers fly their buses through at 70 mph with a cell phone in one ear.


Are you guys still awake?


So night before last was fun.  After Eduardo and I returned from the guardaria I was feeling a bit woozy, so I laid down for awhile.  I kept feeling worse, until I had to try to get to a bathroom.  Almost made it too.  Not wanting to blast past everyone having dinner, I head for the outside bathroom, and just before I got there, I passed out on the hard tile floor.  Yes, of course I hit my head on the tile floor, but luckily my fall was cushioned by the rose bush.  So Eduardo (poor Eduardo) sees me go down & calls for help, and before you know it the entire family, and half the school, are out there looking down at me trying to decide if they should call an ambulance, take me to the hospital, or finish their dinner.  Luckily half of the school consists of pre pre-med students.  I could see it in their eyes that they wanted to cut me open.  So anyway, I didn´t go to the Dr. and Helga, a nurse/soon to be going to Med school, and Jane nursed me back to health and now I´m hungry again.  So I think I´ll go eat now.

Oooo, OOoooh, before I eat, you know how California and Washington brag about how they can brave earthquakes and volcanoes and such?  Guatemala kicks their ass.  Both states at once, with one county tied behind its back.  On a good(?) day, you can see a plume of ash spewing from a nearby volcano.  On a bad day, depending on the wind, it´s like a smog in your face, on your glasses and in your teeth.  That PLUS we´ve felt two earthquakes in the three weeks we´ve been here.

Whew.  Sorry if this was long.  Sorry if it was over the top.  (You should see what my editor took out).  Sorry about the run-on sentences, but I was running out of periods and still have a lot of commas left.  Sorry about any misspellings, but I tried to spell check it, and since this computer is set up in español, everything except "no" gets highlighted.

later